He hasn't called. It's funny, when I was in high school, those words were normally followed with dramatic tears and the words: "he doesn't like me". Of course, now is different. He hasn't called because he can't. And quite honestly, he won't- not that he doesn't want to pick up the phone, but unfortunately, that is not something he is able to do.
I think people tend to underestimate what limited communication would feel like if they were in a similar situation. I mean, you figure that something inside of you would click and the need to talk to him as often would subside, but it doesn't. You like to believe that you would be rational and understand that he's busy and you won't notice if his emails are short (if there's been one at all). You'd think that you'd be so consumed with staying busy, you wouldn't have time to think about the last time you heard his voice- but you do! In fact, I've called his voicemail three times in the past two days, just to hear his voice.
I want to be positive in this blog, but I also want to be honest. And the truth is, some days I'm actually human. Some days, I'm just a woman who misses being able to share everything, even the mundane. Some days, I want to come home to a card or a letter, even when I know they are practically impossible to receive at this point. And yes, selfish or not, I want this knowing he has little downtime and knowing that the time he does have, needs to be spent sleeping or planning. I know. I know and I still want it.
However, I am mature enough to recognize these moments and know that these are simply moments I will have to grow through. I also realize that it works both ways--he misses these comforts as well. I'm really the fortunate one who misses these moments in the comfort of my home or surrounded by family and friends. The truth is, some people are able to accept change in their day-to-day life. Obviously, I am not one of those people. At least, not yet.
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